January 10th, 2004

Current Music: alanis morset- u live u learn Subject: sup Time: 11:20 am Current Mood: happy

hey guys i havent written in a while cause honestly nothing out of the ordinary has been going on in my life at all. Well... except until yesterday. Yesterday was friday and it was my last day at dr. phillips high and michaela and jamie ( who are the best friends ever!) came by my house in the morning wearing shirts that they made saying " i love u smalls" and " i <3 u jenna, well miss u!" and they made all of us tote bags with hot pink letters spelling out all our inside jokes and our sayings all over them! it was the sweetest thing any one has ever done for me! it hasnt really hit me yet that im not going to see them every day... i guess that wont happen until monday... i mean i still c them every day now, so until i dont see them walking in the hall ways... ahh man im so scared!!! 0' something awsome happend yesterday! sasha and i made up! it was so weird how it happend too. i didnt see her in school all day so i could apologize, so i was feeling really sad. Then julia, jamie, michaela, michelle, and i were all going to go party hopping and then when we went to go pick up michelle, sasha was with her. woah i was about to fucking get up and walk home, then i just sucked it up, and when she got into the car she handed me a letter. it was the nicest letter i have ever recieved... ever.she told me i had to wait till i was home alone to read it. but it was like once i saw the letter i felt as if we had a silent understanding. i gave her a hug for like 5 minutes, and the rest of the night we spent it catching up. i didnt realize how much i missed that girl until we started laughing together. i havent had her in my life for the past 5 months... how could i be so beyond stupid? i will never let that happen with ne of my friends again.so all of us girls went out and had SOOOO much fun just being goofy and having a good time!! I LOVE THEM ALL 2 mUCH! hehe =) when i got home i read the note sashy gave me and in it she told me that she loved me, and that she knew that i loved her too, even if i didnt act like it. she said that when we were best friends last year she had the best experiences of her life. she said that since she shared them with me, that ill always have a special place in her heart, and no matter what color my hair is ( hehe ) shell love me just the same. i was absolutely bawling my eyes out. i mean i have only felt unconditional love from some1 other then family memebers... not from my friends. i decided that i will start to have that for my friends 2, and that i am only going to have friends that are like that. that is such an awsome trait to have.shes really lucky to have that. maybe because shes so close to god, she has learned to forgive. whatever it is, i need to work on it. well today the movers are coming to haul out all of my real dads furniture... my moms giving it to different friends of hers... haha my dads so going to flip when he finds out... i just hope i dont have to get the wrath for it =/. but right at this moment im laughing so hard, u should see my moms face she keeps telling me " pay back is a bitch.." right now the one bitch i see is the physco one i call my mom... jk. well kinda. she is the coolest and most genuine lady ever but when it comes to my dad she completely doesnt care and is so rude, and inconsiderate to him. maybe when someone treats u so bad for so long, u cant help but loose respect and love for them. im just happy sasha didnt.... then again, she wasnt the most "kind" person in the world... im just really happy she was the one to step up and say she was sorry. next time... i hope there wont be a next.. but ill be the one. im out <3333 laterz _jen

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January 7th, 2004

Current Music: something corperate- i wanna save u Subject: hey howdy hey Time: 09:43 pm Current Mood: pensive

damn today was so bazar. i am counting down the minutes and the days until i get to move... im really gonna miss some pple though. its so weird i dread going to school, then i get there and isnt as bad as think it was going to be, then something horrible goes on at the end of the day then i dread going to school the next day... its like a vicious cycle... woah i cant spell... i have an A in english but its obviously not cause of my spelling... =/. so0o... umm... i talked to that guy today. i didnt get mad though.. it was weird i was ready to explode cause i was so mad then i saw him and i felt so bad for the guy... god i hate myself for doing that. i shoulda gotten up in his face and bitched ... but i couldnt. i calmly talked to him about it, and he said that he would never do it, and i was kinda amused at how hard he was trying to cover it up. o well, i guess it was one last final atempt to make things right before i leave. speaking of making things right, im gonna try to talk to sasha tomorrow. she and i used to be best friends until ... well honestly i cant really remember exactly why we stopped being friends, but it was a series of events that caused it to blow up in our faces. i dunno, we like hated eachother, then we would smile at eachother now we can at least laugh with eachother... with a group... lol. i just need to let her know how sorry i am before i leave. we were best friends for like a year and 1/2, and we threw all of it away... for who knows what. GOD girls can be so gay sometimes.. i mean i talk to guys who have been best friends with pple since .... well forever... i mean they can get into the biggest fights and still not talk shit and become friends again... girls... its like we make it a mission to make eachothers lives hell.. its just another stupid game we like to play i guess...among other things we can be the most stubborn bitches ... lol. today i went to get my car fixed, i was going to the park downtown and my car started over heating... i was so scared i was gonna be stuck on the side of the road for days...its one of those times u want "on star" lol. umm.. 0' i gotta really cool new lap top.. well ot exactly new i got my mums old one when she got a new one... o well shes such an anal person that its like new.. =) that came out sooo wrong... i meant shes like a neat freak.* just to make it clear, haha. man, i was talking to some friends today about winter park high school and they told me that it was FILLED TO THE GILLS with preps and asians... man im not racist or anthing but ... im kinda nervous... especially the parking situation... asains are like the worst drivers cause they horrible perifrial vision... how ever u spell it. =/ not like im the best driver though... haha! Sooo we got our doggies back and im so excited, i was so afraid that bijoux was gonna forget me but when he saw me he went crazy! hes so funny looking, he looks exactly like gizmo from gremlins... i love it! well i think tonight im gonna end on a happy note... later <3333 _jen

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January 6th, 2004

Current Music: sugarcult- pretty girl Subject: hey dude whats up? Time: 07:36 pm Current Mood: crushed

hey all... im so tired, i just got home from picking out what i want painted on my walls in the new house... kinda weird but cool at the same time...=) I have a huge "hang out" room connected to a bathroom connected to a nice sized bed room, and we blocked it off so its like i have my own place.. its actually kinda cool. so i finally decided to have this local artist draw all these old comic book characters all over my walls, complete with words and all... aka: betty and veronica. Im so siked, i think its gonna be the bombdiggadee... or at least i hope so.=) so0o0o... today was our first day back at school... i cant believe i actually missed people. i dunno, i thought for some reason people would " majically" change over a two week period... hah, woah was i kidding myself or what? u know what i noticed, everyone has an opinion on what i say and do. honestly... dont they have ne thing else better to do, then pick out everything that is wrong with me??? i had like 4 people come up to me today and say things like " woah, u look different, u looked way better blonde." & " what the fuck did u do to urself, that color totally drains out ur face." & " wow, i didnt recognize u, ur hair is so different... why did u do it?" OK, what makes these people think that their opinion matters to me? honestly... who does that... if i looked " drained out" or "better blonde"... then thats my problem, i made the decision... and i have to deal with the consequences... i can handle it.. im a big girl, lol. speaking of consequences, there are a new bach of rumors going around about me. this stupid little freshmen guy is telling all his older friends im a kinky and that we had sex all these different ways all these different times...i guess ive been rather busy lately?? its sooo funny i think, espesially cause hes a fucking VIRGIN!! i never even touched his penis, let alone saw that nasty shit. its funny cause i actually liked this guy... he told me he did all this like nasty kinky shit with his girlfriend he was with for a long time, and honestly i thought this kid was some horny little bastard... so it kinda weirded me out a little bit. BUT then i became friends with his ex girlfriend, whos such a doll and i found out that they never even had sex.. i find it soooo fucking hilarious that he has to tell all these lies to make himself look cool... god it makes me wonder how insecure this bitch is. at first him talking all this shit really bugged the crap outta me, and i was gonna go up 2 him and ask him why the hell hes doing this... then i thought about what a waste of time it would be. hes such an unconsience fuck face... whatever i would say would go through one ear and out the other... poor little guy, hes such a loser and when his friends find out all the stuff he lied about the shit is really gonna hit the fan... the last one that laughs, laughs best. ooo i better be laughing my ass all the way to kindom fuckin come. its kinda weird how u can tell when someone is ashamed with themselves, they cant even look u in the eyes. god, what a waste of time... i always get caught up with pot head losers, that have nothing better to do then lye and talk shit. then again so do alot of my friends... i guess were all like magnets... its like an AA meeting... " hi, my name is jenna and i let pple walk all over me." girls: " hey JEN!" god... i hate high school... only two more years... fuck thats a long ass time. night <33333 _jen

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January 5th, 2004

Current Music: dido- all u want Subject: home sweet home * Time: 07:30 pm Current Mood: blah

hey guys... i have one word... woah. the trip was insane!ok, so after i wrote in the journal we all shoved our 7 bags of luggage into the trunk of my bros ( aarons) car. We then had to drive down La Cienaga( a street in LA) which was a bitch cause it was jammed with trafic. Then we had to drop off the rental car... my mum got into her first accident 4 days ago and scratched the rental car.* flash back * ok, so my mum was driving on down a street near melrose and she was at a stop sign.. and we have this saying " no cop, no stop,"well NEVER follow that, cause all of a sudden BOOM she smacks right into an old, run down white 87' buick. If that wasnt bad enough, a jewish orthodox rabbi comes walking out with his HUGE black brimmed hat. He was a nice guy, but totally insane. My mums a blonde and he was just like staring at her like she was on display! I mean what the fuck is that??? i know that orthodox jews wives are required to shave their head and wear wigs when they get married.. so i know he musta been in shock to see a lady sport her own hair.. but i mean, the staring was enough... i wanted to shout out " tell ur wife to get a blonde wig!!!"... ne ways I find out from him, that he was speeding cause he was trying to get home before sundown for shabbis dinner... weird. Then i go.. "o ya well im jewish 2, thats kinda cool.." and he looks me up and down and he says .." well i can see u dont follow the book that much, i tell my sons to stay away from girls like u." AHH stupid, funny looking, curly side burns RABI! it took all i have to just smile and say" well im sure ur sons could never get girls like me."<--- woah, when i said that i ment SAIN, NORMAL, girls who live in the normal world. i sounded way concieded... yikes =/ Ne ways my mom and i tried to go and cover up the scratches and we did a pretty damn good job. We covered most of it with the lisence plate and we bought some cheap car paint and touched it up. lol... " the things we learn from our parents." im going 2 be such a bad adult.=) cant wait! Ne ways so we got away with it.. and we were celebrating as we got to the airport. then my smile quickly changed to a frown cause we look at delta's line.. wow. there musta been thousands of pple there. no joke. we got there 3 hours early and we were in line by the time our flight was called.. ne who.. we went to bitch at the pple working there and they let us go in front of the MILE LONG LINE to get our bags xrayed... that was what the line was for.. not to get the actual person checked out.. the fucking bags. So, our flight left 1 hour and 45 minutes late due the " christmas rush" of pple at the air port. So now that everyones tired and complaing.. it gets better. my family and i got split up in our seating.. THANK GOD*.. so i was soo happy and then this family comes and sits next to me with 2 little babies... thank god i had aisle seat.. but it was like a family of 4 crammed into the 2 seats next to me... there was no where i could go cause it was a TOTALLY full flight... it was a non stop flight to orlando .. a red eye... i was stuck next to crying babies the whole fucking time!! and if it couldnt get ne worse... the mom was nursing them,changing there poopy dipers, and she was caughing all over me! yucK!!!! for 5 1/2 hours... damn, im just happy to be back home!but im pissed cause i couldnt hang out with robert,trent, and michaela today cause i needed to sleep.. i needed so much sleep that i slept till 4:30pm.. so now that im feeling a little bit more refreshed, im actually somewhat excited to get back to school.. that was a "somewhat"... i just wanna see debb and michaela tomorrow.. its like i need to get in touch with some NORMAL people!!! O' ya im moving this weekend.. im sooo nervous... i get to take a "tour" of my " beautiful" new school on wednesday... i just hope that i can find one good friend. thats all i need =) in my next school im not gonna talk much, i dont care if pple think im insane for being so shy, but it must be done. being myself didnt get my ne thing at all but trouble... so much for trying to do that. Now i know that i cant please everyone.. and for the first time, i think im ok with that. I ha(d) this major liking " disease" where i wanted to please everyone for everyone to like me... but honestly.. it didnt make me happy... and when i tried to break out and be myself no one liked me.. besides michaela and debb. im ok with that though.. i dont want pple that r fake to be " fakely" nice to me and be a "fake" friend. I just dont need that... for that matter... who does? MAN o MAN, its about 7:50 here and it feels so much earlier to me! its soo weird... my " inside clock" is all weird... my moms like u need to get ready for school jen.. wtf. it feels like afternoon for me.. lol. yikes! that means when i wake up at 6:00 tomorrow its gonna feel like 3:00 to me... pooie. =( o0o0o! i have something to say.. i found it soooo funny! ok, so we were sitting in the plane yesterday waiting for it to take off for about an hour. and this girl, who was pretty, was talking to this really cute athletic looking guy who was wearing a rolex.. $$... ne who, i was being really nosey listening to their conversation - i was doing ne thing to get away from the baby talk- and this is exactly what happend... her" hey there, im Emma, im going to orlando to visit... what r u doing there?" him.. well he was mummbling something.. her:" hmm?? i didnt catch that.. u know u have beautiful eyes. * giggle*" him: mummbling... "wired shut"... her: " o0o, ur mouth is wired shut.. u know, i find metal sexy. whos ur docter ,i wanna get it done. Him:mummble.." ur nuts." her:" thats what my ex husband thinks." ME: OK WHOEVER WANTS TO GET THERE MOUTH WIRED SHUT TO LOOSE WEIGHT IS NUTS. I DONT CARE HOW FAT U ARE, THATS INSANE! #2 what a whore. =) i love it. I bet the pple at DPHS would have a blast talking shit about her. they have nothing else to do with their time. ;] right sasha? Im so excited to get my dog bijoux back, hes been at a doggy boarding house for the past 2 weeks.. i miss him so much! =) sweet dreams <33333 _jen

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January 4th, 2004

Current Music: the used- buried myself alive Subject: ey... Time: 04:33 pm Current Mood: cranky

ey yall... lol, its my first entry and i have a few things to say. right now im in LA, in "beverly hills" to be exact. Im staying with my bitchy aunt and uncle and their 3 spoiled children. I love them, dont get my wrong... but i dont like them for shit. They are so snobby and their life revolves around money and the latest fashions. I used to live here and i remeber why and how much to the extreme i hate(d) it. In Florida, we have alot of illigal cuban immigrants... here they have alot of (sadly legal) persain and israli immagrants. They run everything and are the most richest and the most stuck up "brand" of pple i have ever met in my whole entire life. I have some really good persian and israli friends, but they live in a fantasy world of good looks and money. Its all bullshit. I always feel like they look down on me and my friends, which makes me sick... ive been here for 2 weeks, and already i cant stand them! My aunt is the gossip queen and by the time my family and i got here, all of her friends and the pple of the small city of beverly hills, knew not only who we were, but why were here and what we have done the past 5 years of our lives. Its so ridiculous, and i usually laugh at shit talkers, but its like i hve no where to escape.. its like im stuck in here in the world of hairy arms and unibrows... i went out to get ice cream last night with my old friend cutter.. a small cone of coconut icecream was 5 dollars... i went to go sit down in their resturant to eat it.. and the manager said " eh eh eh, cones are to go." I laughed and said..." haha ya right.. i can see the lie in ur eyes..." and continued to eat my icecream. The next thing i knew was that he kicked us out. Then we went walking.. there is no night life in Beverly hills AT ALL. it was 9:00 and not a store open, and not a soul on the street... what the fuck is this!!! Then, i went vintage shopping... or so i thought. To me vintage is clothing and acsessories that date back to the 50's.. if ur lucky 40's and 30's, that are cheaply priced. NOT IN LA. vintage here is old shirts that u and i used to wear when were were 12 from our old soccer teams ( complete with the mud and grass stains and all) for the cheap price of 40 dollars. WTF is that bullshit... so basically i went to the damn army surplus store bought some AWSOME shit, then called it a fuckin' day. i love the city. What i realize i miss about home, is that i can ride my old bike ne where, ne time, and get the best coffee in town. I have my one great friend michaela there.. and for awhile that wasnt enough for me, but now i know " having one good friend is better then having tons of bs ones." So, after a wonderfully cooked jewish dinner and some sappy goodbyes and thanks yous to my crooked family, ill be on a flight with my mom and brother back home to orlando. yeah! im so siked.. on monday michaela,trent, robert and i are gonna chill...finally ive been stuck in this hell hole for way 2 long... roberts cool, we have a lot in common so i hope something more happens, but whatever happens happens.. and there is no way in hell im falling too hard and too fast again. Trent and michaela are soo damn cute together it sickens me... haha... trent is finally a guy michaelas with that treats her good and that gets along with me 2... being her best friend, it helps. lol. I havent really talked to mikki about it, but im pretty sure all is well in that department. ooo i switch schools in 2 weeks... THANK GOD~! DPHS... is ok.. the pple can SUCK A BIG FAT CHODE>>>! there are so many pple there who do so much damn judging... it never bothered me until i realized that none of the pple who said ne thing were gonna take the time to get to know me. its like, i see all these faces in that hall ways just giving me glares.. and to the world i have and attitude like " im better then this, so fuck u and ur bullshit..." but honestly... it really hurts... and its been really hard this year with all the change that i have been going through and the change around me.... i guess what im saying is, is that im excited that im getting away from all of those pple that dislike me because of things that they heard. now its kinda like i get to chose who i wanna keep in touch with.. its not like im switching states, im moving 15 minutes away... SO U CANT say IM RUNNING AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS! lol.. even if i am , tough shit, i stuck it out long enough to say that i did my best to deal with it. woah, i wrote way way way 2 much... wish me luck on flying... 6 whole hours.. middle seat... god! im in for no sleep on this red eye flight of mine... im so scared! =[ <333 much luv =] _jen

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